I'm researching a lot and considering other forms of pain control like biofeedback, relaxation and meditation, and for the first time, looking into a chiropractor. Even though a chiropractor may not be able to help with my neck since my fusions, I'm hoping to get relief for my back and help with my alignment, positioning, and posture. I still have several hurdles I have to jump before I will be at the point that I want to be, but I am trying to keep myself focused on today and on taking small steps forward...even though I know that sometimes, there will be steps backwards, like today when I'm dealing with a lot of pain, am very uncomfortable, and frustrated that it is so beautiful outside, and I'm in bed.
Its very hard for me to give myself credit for what accomplished, even though I'm getting so much encouragement from my doctors, Harrison, family, and friends. I guess on days like today, I tend to blame myself because I think that maybe I put myself in this position by something I did the day before or by being too active. Even though it may seem like very small tasks for most people, yesterday I got my massage, went to the store, payed bills, folded laundry, cleaned up the house, and cooked dinner. Again, these seem like such simple tasks for the average person, but for me, its a lot. Somedays, I just like to feel "normal" even though by the end of the night, I can already start feeling what is most likely inevitable.
The next four days are going to be really busy, but hopefully really fun and I can only pray that I feel okay. Tonight, one of my dearest friends who recently got back from his second deployment with the Air Force is coming into town and we are going to spend the day together tomorrow. He has been one of my closest friends since high school and even during his deployments, has been one of the most supportive, dependable people I have. Even when he is Lord knows where in the world, he always makes it a point to call or email me every week or two. I always get excited when I see his "restricted" number pop up on my cell phone. I'm so thankful he is home safe and so proud for all he is doing to protect our country and our freedom.
Tomorrow night my whole family is headed to the beautiful mountains of Boone, NC for our annual trip with our dear family friends the Convingtons. This is always a trip I look forward to but the past couple years, my pain has kept me limited and I haven't been able to go on the hikes we always take so I'm hoping that maybe this year I can. We always have so much fun hiking, shopping, eating, playing cards, watching football, laughing, and just being together. This year the Covington clan has a baby on the way and a new engagement so there is sure to be a lot to celebrate this year. Pray that I will feel decent because the next 4 days are something I've been looking forward to for months. It will be good to get out and spend the day tomorrow with one of my best friends and get away this weekend and be with family and friends.
I've got a lot of other things on my mind right now that I don't really want to get into in this post but maybe soon I'll get the courage to open up about a few of these things because its been weighing on me quite a bit. For now, I just ask that you pray for me while I sort through some of these things.