Neonatal Nurses Day

Today is bittersweet. I still most definitely consider myself a neonatal nurse. Its who I am. Its how I define myself. At the bedside of some of the sickest babies, I found my passion, my career, and my life's purpose. 18 months ago, life changed. I never would have thought that I'd be gone from work for so long. I never thought I'd be on disability and dealing with a life of chronic pain. I miss being with those babies so much it hurts. I've spent the last 2 hours looking through pictures and blogs of NICU babies and it only makes me miss it that much more. On the up side, it only inspires me and confirms that my heart is still in the NICU and my dream and desire will always be to get back in my scrubs and get back to the bedside. Is it sad that all my scrubs still hang in my closet, organized by color, just like they always have been even after 18 months away from the job? I guess i keep them there as a reminder. I see them everyday. I think of all the babies i took care of while wearing those brightly colored uniforms. I think of all the friendships i made in them. I think of all the laughs, all the tears, all the emotions that I have gone through while wearing them.

I've finished about 2/3 of my masters work to become a neonatal nurse practitioner. And just as I plan on one day getting back to work, I plan on finishing what I started and get my masters, even if I can never for as an NNP. I'll get my masters someday. I wont let my current health status keep me down and out of work forever. If i knew how to post pictures, I have several I'd love to share. I had so many families and babies that touched my life that I have pictures of. I know I say this at the end of most entries, but my continued thanks goes out to everyone who has loved, supported, and prayed for me during the past year and a half.