The Results are In...

Well friends, I'm sure many of you are wondering what the results were from our last fertility cycle using injectable medications.  We had an insemination done on July 21 and then had the dreaded two week waiting period before we would find out if this round was successful or not.  The drugs worked well this round and I had a few good egg follicles and our insemination went well.  I was really hopeful this time around and felt really good about our chances.  Unfortunately, it was not successful.   I was devastated and heart-broken because I really felt that we would have success this cycle.  I was very depressed and cried for several days.  It was definitely the hardest I have taken the negative results, I guess because I knew what the implications were and that it meant we would be faced with starting the IVF process.
     After a lot of time in prayer and many discussions with Harrison, we decided that before we jump into IVF we wanted to first pursue the option of my doctor performing another laparoscopic procedure to check for the recurrence of scar tissue or endometriosis. I have just had a nagging feeling that we maybe missed something and don't feel like I can go into IVF wondering if there is a bigger problem going on that needs to be addressed.  The way I think about it is that if nothing is found during surgery, then we can go into the in vitro process knowing that whatever our fertility problem is, our best chances of it being solved would be through doing IVF.  If something is discovered in surgery, then we may some other options or try a few more cycles before IVF.  I saw my doctor yesterday and he completely understood my concerns and justified the need for surgery since I have been having some pain and discomfort the last few months and since my body has had so much hormonal manipulation in the past year and a half.  Its alot been 3 years since my last laparoscopy so he said that there is a chance that something could have easily changed in the past 3 years such as scar tissue reforming or endometriosis appearing.  Another good point he made was that since insurance will cover a laparoscopy and won't cover anything for IVF, we would be making our investment in IVF more valuable, which is definitely true.

     I schedule my surgery for September 16.  Our next steps will be determined by what my doctor finds in surgery.  I am anxious but ready for this step.  I definitely feel like this is the best decision for us right now and I have faith in my doctor and in the process.  I feel very much at peace with this decision and am trusting in God that whatever the results of the surgery, that this is part of a bigger plan God has for our journey to becoming parents.

      I found this quote the other day based on Matthew 21:12 that says " Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?" I really thought long and hard about this quote and realized that I find myself talking about our struggles more than I have prayed about it.  I have prayed about having a child so so much but I think maybe deep down, my type A personality still wanted to maintain some sort of control over the situation and over each round of treatment.  With the heartbreak of this last cycle, I found myself completely broken and crying out to God for help and comfort.  I realize that no matter how hard I tried to dictate the results of each cycle by doing everyone humanly possible to get a positive result on a pregnancy test, ultimately it isn't up to me. It's all in Gods hands. Strangely enough, it kinda takes some of the pressure of me if we go down the IVF path.

    So that's where things stand right now.  We are leaving on Saturday to go to the Bahamas with Harrison's parents.  It is a make up trip for us having to miss out on the Hawaii trip over Christmas when I had to have my gallbladder taken out.  I plan on enjoying this trip as much as possible and indulging in things I wouldn't be able to if we had gotten pregnant this round....wine at dinner, mimosas with breakfast, tropical beverages on the beach, fresh sushi and seafood just to name a few.  We are also going to be able to check a major item off my bucket list...swimming with dolphins!  I am super excited.  I will take tons of pictures and will post all about our trip once we return.  Thank you for all the love, support and prayers.